la vida es sueño

These past couple of days I've had very intense dreams at night. One that I remember most vividly is about me going to this huge apartment building because someone told me to get something for someone else, etc. The buiding was huge, like 218-Bishop huge, and run down like building-full-of-Mexicans-on-Chapel-and-Dwight run down (yes, I have been apartment-hunting recently). The weird part was that each floor was more like a street in itself, with stores and traffic signs (and shady apartments), and there seemed to be no clear logic to the numbering. After I finally found apartment four-hundred-something on the 13th floor, I came in and the guys asked me if came to pick up the CD. "Yes," I snap back quickly, remembering that it was a CD what I had come for. But then he asked me for money or something. "Err... I think this is not the CD I want..." I hurry and leave the place, run downstairs and try to look for B8 (yeah, our classroom in the Econ Dept at 28 Hillhouse)... 529... 1043... 295... and I thought I was on the 13th floor but I go down more than 13 stories... and all of a sudden I feel like I'm in the World Trade Center... and i still try to persuade myself, "can't be, WTC's walls can't be this bad..." Finally, I reach B8, the Indians are there... I go to Pipi who was memorizing some formula for Moscarini's test and I whisper what just happened and I think of Panzas and Deby who just can't whisper at the library cuz I just feel that everybody is listening to what I'm saying even though no one seems to be looking. I tell him that I'm sure these guys are into drug-dealing or child- or organ-trafficking or something and he bursts out in laugh. "Dude, I'm serious -- we gotta jump!!" Oh, and for some reason, B8 was on a second floor instead of a basement.

- I am not jumping!

- Dude, we can't just step outside! These guys are chasing me and I'm sure they are waiting for us outside of the classroom!

- But I didn't do shit!

- But now you know, so they are going to kill you too!

- Papaya, can't jump, gotta run... you jump, just give me my 8 dollars, and we'll meet later at Koffee too? hehe (moronic laugh)

- Don't be such a P.P.!! it's just one story!

- No, and I have to go.

I rush outside through the open window, spidermanishly tiptoe through the cornice until I hear a blast.

Then I wake up.

The second dream I remember is about our micro professor. Rumor has it that he's been offered a job at NYU and he might leave us soon. Well, he tells me he needs to talk to me, I go to his office and he tells me that he's leaving. Why me? I don't know... but then I learn that in 20 minutes there'll be a general meeting with the rest of the department in which he'll let us know about his decision. All of a sudden, we just disappear and reappear in 106, which is exactly where 106 is right now in the econ building, except the room is much larger and laid out differently. Then, out of thin air, the rest of the people start literally popping up in the middle of the classroom and without any introduction, the professor starts his speech. Suddenly someone walks in, I can't see him and I don't know whether it's a professor or a student, but he gives an extensive list of reasons why he should stay. The wife then starts yelling, "don't let them persuade you! Plus, we can't stay! We already sold the house!" but everybody starts walking towards the professor and everybody at the same time is muttering how much they love him, how much he's contributed to the dept, how great he is, etc. The situation is very tense, people block the doorway and tell him that he's not leaving, the wife is crying, his eyes look weepy and he can barely speak... and people keep approaching him and I think of Michael Jackson's Thriller and the girl in the video. Then he mumbles that he's gotta show us something and he'll be right back. So everybody lets him pass and when he's right by the door, he turns around in his own funny way, then just runs away, leaving the wife behind.

End of dream.

Other than that, last night we had a dinner with Jaime Serra Puche, Mexico's former Minister of Finance. I was excited, not only because I'd have the honor to have dinner with him, but also because we were going to Roomba, one of the trendiest restaurants in New Haven, and people have told me that it's really good -- of course, the chef and owner is Mexican! Anyway, they messed up our reservation, couldn't get a decent 10-people table. Then Serra arrived and said that was even better since he didn't feel like having a fancy dinner and preferred to have some good New Haven pizza, so we went to Bar. This guy is extremely interesting, his conversational skills and eloquence are outstanding... and I couldn't stop thinking of how we were talking of ex-presidents, attorney-generals, and directors of Mexican movies, as if they were our closest buddies...

One day...

what triggers hunger?

today i woke up very hungry. i thought of that thing people say about how you wake up hungrier if you eat a lot the night before. last night we went to jalapeño heaven and i did eat a lot. then i had two frozen margaritas and a martini... oooh soo good..!! anyway, before leaving the house to go have lunch with ach, i grabbed a whole box of oreos, since my stomach was actually aching of hunger. by the time we got downtown, i had already eaten about six cookies and the discomforting sensation had gone. i mean, i was still hungry but less so. i focused on that thing i was feeling in my stomach and i think i could even feel the dough coating my stomach, easing the hunger. i thought how weird it was to have this sensation and how in 30 minutes, after eating, the feeling would be completely different. how does that happen?

i usually look this kind of things up on the internet... but, as much as it may surprise some people, i don't feel like it right now. it's sunday at 11pm and i still have a lot of work to do for tomorrow. santiago and tea both told me today that I should study during the week and then take sunday off and do absolutely nothing but chill, watch a movie, or something. i don't think i can do it, though.

i dream so much of the next year when i will be taking classes that actually interest me. i don't want to do stupid problem sets ever again. why do some of the top econ programs have these damn comps while others don't? seems totally arbitrary. i hope arbitrariness doesn't screw me...

what am i doing awake?

for the longest time i've heard about blogs and i still don't know exactly what they are. i remember just before the elections, i came across some blogs from people in the news who commented on the presidential debates as they occurred or simply shared their political standpoint with the rest of the world. i probably don't have super profound things to say and i don't know why i would want to write a public journal. usually i write my thoughts on my own notebook that i try to keep to myself. not that I have many secrets written down... and most of the things i write down are rather boring -- except my poems, sometimes i like my poems. but i like to remember those things that i say i want to keep to myself. however, i once wrote that nobody writes for themselves. everybody wants to share their secrets.

so here i am, sharing mine. i just felt the need to modernize. a paper journal? so old-fashioned. the internet is the thing.

perhaps this is not the moment. i've been feeling lately this urge to write that i just cannot satisfy due to my 24/7 concern about comps. never before had i made such good friends in such a short period, and for months i've been meaning to write that down. i wanted to put down in words the highs and lows i've been through since the beginning of the program and i never found the time to do it. last week i saw hotel rwanda, and on the way back home on the bus i had this meaningful discussion with reenini about the movie that triggered a thousand thoughts in my head on the many issues that the film touches... but i decided that i didn't have time to record my feelings. but why am i surprised, if i haven't even finished my china travel log?

and now i ask myself what am i doing awake at 3.50am when i need to wake up early tomorrow morning and study for the upcoming exams, for which i feel -- as always -- that i haven't done much? i said to ach that i would go to bed by 1am. and what am i doing? writing nonsense while i struggle to warm up my feet -- why don't i just go to bed? at least i had a good conversation with the rumi. it was good. i should hang out more with the bastard.

now off to bed. can't wait to see those lofts on monday. but before that, coldstone... aaaaah!! what ever happened to my promise to hit the 70-something kilo mark?

gone...